I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
