Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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