exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
