My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
