I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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