I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
