im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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