First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
