Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
