I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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