Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
