fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
