i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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