You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
