Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
