With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm both gender and math confused
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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