You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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