Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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