It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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