I need help removing her.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
