that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
