So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
