when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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