So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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