honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
