i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
