i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
