well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
