Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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