YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
