He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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