I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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