Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
