my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
