yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
