She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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