I'm so fucking centered right now
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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