i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
