I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
