Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
