So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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