Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
