I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You took a bar mat shot.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
