Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
