ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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