I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
