im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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