saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
