What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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