Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
