He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
