Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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