took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize