he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
