I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
