he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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