Old men and throwing up are my life now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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