when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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