I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
