nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
