Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
