And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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