I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
