Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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