1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You did what with his pubic hair?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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