the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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