You're so nebulous sometimes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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