He had one of those small greek statue penises
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
