yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
