I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
