K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
