My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had sex on a roof
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
